Quotes Category: Dear diary

Today I had a surprisingly detailed conversation with the child on how to sit on a log. Almost needed a diagram.

You know it’s true love when she picks the potato chip crumbs out of your beard. Or she’s just hungry because she then eats them. Or she’s just part monkey and grooming you. Or all of the above….

As I’m watching the 3yo dance around in the buff after his bath, I now totally get where the classic artists get their cherub angels from.

The kids have the bathroom ducks lined up on the deck railing and I’m barely resisting the urge to target shoot every time I walk by….

The child managed to hit everything in the room except the puke bucket

My children won’t stop babbling nonsense, is there an oil for that?

Today I blew the mind of the 5yo by demonstrating that my right hand is still my right hand whether facing him or facing away

Look, all I know is the monkey was already in the humidifier when I went to start it in the morning

As I was walking up the stairs to unclog the toilet with two garbage bags, a really long screwdriver, and a pliers, I was really debating if this parenthood thing is worth it

Today the child is running around barefoot with socks on the ears again